Last month, TulsaPeople Magazine reached out to me and asked if I wanted to be featured in their “9 Ladies Dancing” section of their December issue (a section dedicated to 9 female owned e-commerce businesses based in Tulsa). Their motto is “Telling Tulsa’s story, one Tulsan at a time”—a sentiment that has prompted me to reflect on my own story.
Photos: Michelle Pollard (Tulsa People Magazine)
A little over 13 years ago, I headed off to freshman orientation at my college of choice and had to declare a major when I arrived. I panicked and chose Multimedia Journalism because I thought I could do it well, then a few months later when it actually came time to begin classes, I panicked again and changed my major to Education because helping kids in the process of doing what I was good at somehow seemed more noble to me at the time.
And while I was fairly good at what I was doing throughout college and my time as an educator—it was never truly fulfilling to me. It never quite felt like the right fit, I mostly felt like I was surviving life rather than living it, and I was troubled by the fact that I didn’t get that great sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in my job that so many others talked about. The thought always seemed to surface: “I am helping people and doing good for others in my job—that should be enough. What does that say about me that it’s not?” Somewhere throughout my adolescent journey the thought had embedded itself in my brain that if I didn’t have a full time job that involved helping others and making society a better place, I was doing something wrong… But the truth of the matter was that the things I seemed most passionate about in life were not things that pay bills.
When the pandemic hit and I had time away from the classroom, I realized that all I really wanted was to read books, make pretty things to be enjoyed, travel with the ones I loved (when it became safe to do so), and just exist in the ways that I WANTED to exist in the world. I felt guilty about this desire for a long time—it seemed selfish initially. But I needed a change and I had to start somewhere.
I took a leap and officially started Next Chapter in January of 2022, and I haven’t been able to stop since. I can’t put it any other way—I’ve never been more passionate about anything in my life. I would come home from work every day thinking about it, building it, and finding ways to improve it. That’s not to say that there haven’t been really hard times—there certainly have, but the difference is that I love what I’m doing SO much that instead of wanting to give up or switch courses, I find a way to overcome.
I used to feel so bad about myself for losing my desire to work in a service based industry like education—I thought helping others grow should be fulfilling to me. But it simply wasn’t, and it made me wonder if something was wrong with me. To borrow from Rachel Gillig’s sentiments in The Knight and the Moth, I thought I had to be “good” and “useful” through the normative lens of society in order to have any sense of self-worth. It’s funny though—as I read back through this, I am starting to realize that, in a way, I actually am “helping others and making society a better place,” if not in one of the traditional occupations that come to mind. The difference is that I’ve found the perfect fit for me. I like to think that if 18 year old me could see what she would one day create, she would be beaming, and I can’t help but believe that one of the purposes of life is living it in such a way that would make our younger selves proud.
Nearly 4 years ago to the day, I entered my Next Chapter and it’s a part of my story that I plan to bask in for a while. Thank you for being here with me and for bearing witness to my Next Chapter.
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Products: Next Chapter Crewneck, Holiday Crewneck